Thursday, February 07, 2008


We had Herr and Frau Fossil staying with us over the weekend. I am battered and bruised from the storm of disapproving looks fired my way. The Disapproving Look is swift – a mere ‘up-down’ glance, and were pinging off me by the end of Tuesday like I was caught in a hail-storm.

Saturday night - we sat down to have a glass of wine. After one, they declined more, and started drinking water. I poured myself a second glass. Peow! Disapproving Look. Glass number three – peow, peow!

I have also learned that the very people who say that they "are not fussy eaters – we eat anything," are invariably the fussiest eaters of all. These "not fussy eaters" did not eat:

Red meat, potatoes (althought Herr Fossil did help himself to some, for which Frau Fossil rewarded him with some peows of his very own), soft-drinks (I had a Diet Coke – peow!) and anything that might contain butter, milk, sugar, etc.

We took them out for lunch – the meal portions were too large (peow), but I still managed to eat the majority of my meal (peow) and had a beer (in the daytime! Peow).

They have now been released into the wild – on a grand tour of our fair isles, so I wish to send a storm warning to the South Island. Despite the weather forecast, temperatures over the next fortnight will be chilly, and there will be storms of Disapproving hail.


unPC lesbian said...

Oh Mrs Smith, I'm in the same boat with the g/friends aged Father in residence. I normally don't drink on a school night but the "looks" are spurring me on to chug my way through a dozen Pures at a speed previously unkown to me.

I have also run out of ways to cook mince, so tonight am contemplating takeaway falafels as I wish to go to the gym AND be on the sofa in time for Jillian. I think I'll just put his in the blender.

Miss Prozac said...

You didn't mention what happened after glass #4? And what is Mr Smith doing during all this?

Seamonkey Madness said...

At first I thought this was going to be about the intimate details of your and Mr Smith's bedroom antics.

Obviously your meaning of 'peow' (and thence 'peow peow') are quite different. Love your use of it though.

Seamonkey Madness said...

PS: Maybe you meant this sound? (but in an entirely different context)

Anonymous said...

My hearty condolences to you Mrs Smith - I was in a similar predicament recently with a truly odious couple I had foistered upon me, on the flimsy premise that being of the same religious/ethnic background that we would be instant best buddies.
I knew the evening was doomed when they announce their vegan,teetotal,no sugar, no palm oils, no artificial sweetners, no MSG and organic only status. Their refusal to drink either a stonkingly good Sav Blanc or Shiraz was not just about the perils of alcohol but also the "dangerous" level of sulphites used to preserve wine and grape juice. All offers of fruit juice etc was turned down with a shudder and a final desperate offer of a glass of water was further questioned as to whether it was filtered and/or distilled. I kid you not. I was nearly on the verge of tears but we made it through the night surviving on a porchini risotto, rocket salad and melon for pudding.
Yours, sally.

Leo said...

I had always associated the peow noise as something to do with laser guns from star wars movies but I will now rapidly update my noise inventory.

george said...

The golden rule is that fish and house guests go off after three days and should then be thrown out.

Just as well you only had them for the weekend and they left before going bad.

Thank you for your early warning to the South Island. The Fatherland is grateful for your vigilance.

Mark said...

When I encounter people like that I just have sex on the table with the nearest attractive female right in front of them.

I mean, you might as well get ALL the disapproval out of the way in one fell swoop, right?

stef said...

Here was me thinking your absence was because you were off doing something fabulous to make the rest of us mere-mortals jealous.

Marji said...

My mother makes desperate coughing noises every time I go outside for a smoke. She follows me outside of course. Just so she can cough.
And peow.

Mrs Smith said...

Never knew there was such an interesting alternative meaning to 'peow.' I like my definition best, though.

Sally - by "drinking water," I should have said "sparkling mineral water only." And gallons of it. And they didn't eat shell-fish either.

Marji - yes, I got the smoking peows too, although I did so OUTSIDE and at least ten metres from the house. Bastards.

Andrew said...

It's your house, kick 'em out. (Or is Mr Smith being unsupportive?)

At any rate, marijuana in the potato salad should loosen them up (if they eat enough of it).