Friday, October 26, 2007

Colonic

We were having a late lunch at the viaduct, when a startling thought of huge significance struck me – why are almost all boats white? Really, why? I can't think of any sensible reason, which is hardly surprising, but some of my more practical-minded readers may know the answer.

Why?

No one present knew, nor thought it half as compelling a question as I did, and they went back to discussing weight-loss strategies over glasses of wine.

Of course, everyone, including myself, denied use of diet pills.

Someone swore by colonic irrigation.
"You lose kilos after one session! And afterwards, the food just flies out of you – twenty minutes after eating, out it comes again." (I don't think this sounds very healthy. Rather like bulimia, but out the other end. Bottom-Bulimia?).

Apparently eggs are not good – hanging around indefinitely in one's colon like clueless guests who don't know the party is over. I have some disbelief about this - I love eggs, and if what they say is true, I should have more eggs (non-vibra) in me than a battery-hen house. Anyway, it was a frightful topic, and was glad when it turned to things other than having hoses put up bottoms.

I got a taxi home, and I made some polite noises to the driver about Auckland traffic. He had his own theory about why the Queen Street upgrades were taking so long.

"The road-workers are all Maoris and Pacific Islanders, and they don’t want to work evenings."
"Well," I said, yawning,"I can’t imagine anyone would want to, given half a chance."
"No – they're lazy," he said firmly, "they don’t like to work at all."
"Erm," I said, noncommittally.
"And they like to drink!" he exclaimed.
"Hmm," I said, gazing fixedly out the window.

Who knew I had so much in common with the working-class? It's a sobering thought. Kind of.

13 comments:

PM of NZ said...

I always thought apart from white being a common colour, that dark colours on wood (and boats used to be primarily wood, not a chilly bin) cause severe thermal expansion issues.

Another take, straight from the toilet seat is here...

Joanna said...

Boats are white as they are exposed to extreme sunlight and even the slightest hint of colour absorbs the heat making the decks unbearable to stand on. Or so my Uncle the boat builder told me when I was 10...

Miss Prozac said...

Quickest way to lose weight is to get a case of tapeworms. Very vogue

Or do like the models do. Chew ice cubes and eat cotton balls soaked in diluted fruit juice. Fills you up with no calories - but imagine what the colonic would look like when all that fluffy stuff comes back out?

Else there's always sexercise

Miss Prozac said...

sorry fruit juice is obviously low cal or diet coke soaked cotton balls. Rots your insides and leaves a lovely mouldering mess fermenting in the tummy

Mark said...

"why are almost all boats white?"

The sea is prejudiced. It hates colored boats.

Next question...

Amanda said...

ewwww cotton balls.

unPC lesbian said...

DOH!!! I thought it was marshmellows they were eating!!

Anonymous said...

Colour will bleach out in the sun.
In your photo you caught Medici.

"Last weekend, the Receivers reportedly put the 19.5-metre luxury boat Medici up for sale.

Owned by Bridgecorp subsidiary Poseidon and used by the Petricevic family, it is expected to fetch about $1.3 million."
From stuff.

A.

Robyn said...

I was going down Symonds at about 7.30 this evening and there were many brown men hard at work on the resurfacing of the overbridge. There wasn't a seated arse in sight.

And, Smithy, do you have an opinion on the new Auckland City Council triangle logo? The general consensus from reader comments is that everyone's four-year-old could have done better. I think people are scared cos it's a million-dollar vulva.

Monty said...

we had a 1970's boat that was orange and it looked like crap - the white boat is much cooler looking and was worth every penny.

Of course some boats are "tinnies" and are usually a very dull silver or grey. These boats of couse are not soo cool looking but are practical in the wild Wellington south coast.

Mrs Smith said...

What clever answers - thermodynamics, exposure to extreme elements etc. Thank-you all.

Cotton-balls? Really?That's bizarre.

Falafulu Fisi said...

Mrs Smith said...
"The road-workers are all Maoris and Pacific Islanders, and they don’t want to work evenings."

Was the taxi driver a Pakistani? If so, then he/she does want to work evenings.

Mrs Smith said...

Falafulu - he looked Indian, but could have been Pakistani. I wouldn't know how to tell the difference.

Most perceptive of you - are Pakistanis particularly inclined to work evenings? If so, why?