Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Bio-Oil

In the ceaseless (and I am sure - futile) search for magic elixir of youth, I am always prepared to try any new product – in case it is The One. Bio-Oil is extremely cheap ($20 for 60 mls), which is enough to rouse my suspicions, but one will try almost anything.


There is some blurb on the accompanying pamphlet about the oil’s similarity to duck oil, being a ‘dry’ oil, not an oily oil (snore!), but I didn’t really bother reading any more of that. If it staves off the wrinkles it could be made from sautéed ear wax for all I care.

The Good

Like most women, I imagine, there are days when one looks in the mirror, and feels great satisfaction with the divine reflection smiling back. Other days, one can wonder how a particularly horrible wildebeest managed to find its way into the bathroom, and realising it is indeed one's reflection is rather dispiriting. However – perhaps it is my imagination, but I do feel the horrible wilderbeest days are fewer since using Bio-Oil. My skin certainly feels nice, and I think the fine lines not as visible.

The Bad

The instructions warn that the product can stain sheets, which is a definite negative. I do not want my Egyptian cotton bedding thus marked, so the night-time position must be one of lying very prone and still on one’s back. Equally, should marital relations be desired, it would be best to apply the oil afterwards, as the aforementioned position is not particularly interesting for either party.

19 comments:

llew said...

What ever happened to Oil of Ulay? Did they hunt all the ulays to extinction or something?

Remember the ads? In one, two explorer guys were looking for some chick, they spy this hottie & one says "Hot sata!"

And she was hot sata indeed. But on closer examination he says "Perhaps that's her!" And the other guy says "Too young". But it IS her & Oil of Ulay has magically replaced her with a 20 year old.

the other one riffed on Top Gun & had a hottie from Mad Max 2 & a couple of fighter pilots who speak a bit clearer & say "Perhaps that's her" instead of Hot sata.

But anyway, yeah, what happened to Oil of Ulay?

llew said...

"so the night-time position must be one of lying very prone and still on one’s back"

Oh yeah, about this one - look, I'll send you some diagrams with some better ideas.

Unless someone has some animated gifs?

Mark said...

I've got some elixir that will help a woman's skin retain its elasticity, doesn't require her to lie prone on her back but unfortunately it does stain the sheets, at least temporarily...

Oh christ, I'm outta here!

Amanda said...

I'm using Bio-oil to even out the skin tone on my face prior to the wedding and i really think it works..i used to have a red sun spot on my forehead...it's totally gone.

Seamonkey Madness said...

Bio-Oil = magic.

You're failing to see the bigger picture her Smith. If you don't use Bio-Oil to (keep) look(ing) young, he's not going to want you in any 'night-time' position in bed.

Plus no doubt it could be used to 'enhance' the aforementioned positions. Has the added benefit that it will smoothen out any wrinkles/stretch marks down there too, no doubt.

;-)

Mrs Smith said...

Dirty men, all of you. Shan't need the animated gifs, Llew. I know of at least one other position.

Thanks Amanda - glad to know that it works for you. It really did seem to be doing good things, but didn't quite believe it. I mean... $20? I'll buy the biggest vat of it next time, in case they ban that too.

Oswald Bastable said...

It doesn't prevent or remove stretch marks, but i did enjoy rubbing it on!

d-man said...

I wonder if there's a market for duck oil...

Mark said...

"Dirty men, all of you."

Great minds travel in the same gutters...

Cactus Kate said...

LOOAMA uses that shit. He swears by it but he's correlating using it to my keenness to have sexual relations with him.

I don't think it reduces wrinkles or really does anything but if it makes him feel better about himself and the age gap then I am all in favour of it.

As for staining sheets, one can assume your marital relations are a little stunted Mrs S if you worry about that sort of thing. After all, you are not paying for either the drycleaning or the sheets.

unPC lesbian said...

Ilew....Ulay became Olay in the re branding to keep the name the same as the Northern hemisphere brand.....useless piece of information #176

llew said...

Olay olay, olay olay... so they're not some little furry animal?

Cheers for that unpc.

Oh, and when did rubber sheets go out of fashion? Problem solved.

llew said...

Also, let me know how this stuff works out - coincidentally Mrs Llew's been moaning how weatherbeaten I have become recently, and so a bunch of very small tubes of various things to balm & screen my face appeared last night. Can't remember what they're called, or who made them, but the nett effect today is that fumes from the sunscreen have been making my eyes water all day & the red eye effect looks great over the dark rings...

Mrs Smith said...

Bless Mrs Llew - I do think sunscreen vital (sorry) - I wear a sunscreen/moisturiser everyday (even in winter). But I do (so far) think Bio-Oil a great thing to use as well, but I'll keep you updated!

Robyn said...

It was Oil of Ulan (it always had "Olay" in brackets on the bottle, which confused me when I was little cos I thought it was like 'ole!"), then it became Oil of Olay, then they dropped the "Oil of" (cos who wants to smear oil on their face?) and now it's stuff like "Olay Regenerist" and "Olay Total Effects". (which is an awesome moisturiser, but is appallingly overpackaged). Ole!

Mark said...

What do you get when you cross Prince Bandar with Vicente Fox?

Oil of Ole, of course!

llew said...

I don't get it.

Isn't Prince Bandar the little guy from the Phantom Comics?

Mark said...

Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia. The one that, in the weeks after 9/11, was told by Rudy Giuliani to shove his charity check up his ass for making disparaging comments about Israel and the Jews.

tigereyez said...

Youz guyz are fantasticly entertaining... gotta love google
cheerio