Egg
A certain Miss confided (if telling everyone over lunch can be thought of as confiding) that she often pops in a vibra-egg before heading out for the day.
At this point, I must interrupt myself and admit that I am not entirely au courant on the varieties of inanimate objects available to insert in one's orifices. However, from the subsequent details shared (Alas! If only it were possible to Janola one's brain) everyone present became experts in vibra-egg specifications. I tentatively Googled it later, and a website primly and unhelpfully described the item simply as "Most valuable treasure for women." Hence, I have started (I think wittily) referring to Mr Smith's wallet as my 'vibra-egg.' He is not amused.
Where was I? Oh yes. Thus, the Miss gaily spends many a day with her egg installed. The thought persisted that perhaps the egg was a present and unwelcome guest, and this rather put me off my creme brulee.
"Ugh," I murmured, "I'm sure it can't be good for one's bits to be in an eternal state of stimulation," but most of the ladies seemed rather impressed.
As I fear a sudden run of sales of vibra-eggs in Auckland, one fervently hopes their users pelvic-floor muscles are up to the job. The consequences otherwise don't bear thinking about.
16 comments:
Did the Miss appear to be a bit distracted or away with the fairies during your lunch? That might help answer the question of whether the ininvited, unseen guest was in fact present...
I'll never look at distracted women in meetings the same way again.
ummm or is it hummmm ?.. i feel my day may be enhanced by said "state of egg".[however] Mmmm ..
okay I want one. L
What happens when you sneeze? Or when you go to the toilet? Do tell
Your topping google searches for vibra eggs. Wtf.
A.
Is she trying to hatch the egg?
Prozac
As long as you have not given birth I think you would be okay!
I'm with Miss Prozac on this. Next time you meet this Miss do ask what the ramifications are of an involuntary sneeze while said egg is inserted.
(I hope she doesn't get hayfever what with it being spring)
Anonymous #1: Not distracted so much, but definitely a tendency to giggle quite a bit a strange moments.
Everyone else - Hence the need for robust pelvic-floor muscles. A rapidly propelled egg could be dangerous to by-standers.
I've always wondered what would happen if you went through airport security with one. Would it set off the metal detectors? What about those new x-ray devices? Can someone else please experiment because I'm dying to know but couldn't bear the humiliation.
-KT
So of course I had to go look at the D'vice site....I don't understand? So many of them come with EXTERNAL battery packs..do the cords double as a g string?...except of course the "Miss Marble" which has a "handy strap for easy removal"
And Cactus some Mothers pride themselves on the state of their pelivc floors post childbirth, and I won't even start on my Doctors special test to check the state of them. Any distracted looks of vagueness during meetings are ususally due to one discreetly exercising said muscles.
Re: the sneezing question.
One of those puppies is 1/6th the equivalent (or thereabouts so I've heard) of an orgasm as it is. I can see it now:
Aah-chooooooo-oooooooohhhhh yeaaaaaah mmmmmmmmmmmmm....
Oh, excuse me.
I imagine there must be larger ones for those ladies that have calved.
Although the size would have to be ostrich like to hold it in a wizards sleeve like fu-fu after child birth.
Unpc lesbian: special check at the doctors? I couldn't be more intrigued...
Had she been a lesbian I would have been amused....it was her standard 6 week check, with fingers inserted she barked out the word......SQUEEZE......I learnt from the first time round, so after the second child I was able to give a gold medal performance.
Which came first the chicken or the egg?
There is an urban myth about an air hostess being pulled aside and having to admit to having something ahem, inserted, prior to the inquisitive gloved hand of a customs officer.
I'm just waiting for the day when it becomes acceptable for women to walk aboput with their OhMiBods inserted and them visibly and audibly grooving to the, er, beat.
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