The Gentle Art of Letter Writing

With the advent of email, and the abomination that is texting, the Gentle Art of Letter Writing has died an ignominious death. Gone are the days when a personal epistle was thoughtfully crafted and worded. However, while the graceful era of thank-you notes has receded into history for most of the plebeian masses, my mother taught me that one should always lead by example.

Thus, if any of you uncouth swine are actually capable of grasping a writing implement between your cloven hooves, or indeed, have acquaintances capable of deciphering the written word, here is the kind of letter one could write;

Dear Bride,

The memory of your wedding is receding into the depths of memory. I never received a thank-you note from you, but assume you liked the sterling-silver frame I bought for you and your chinless spouse. I also must assume you appreciated the hours I spent combing the shops for something that you would like.

Thank-you so much for inviting me to your wedding. The designer gown you wore was trés amusement, with its remarkable similarity to a mound of chewed toilet-paper. Serves you right for buying Trelise Cooper.

Yours Faithfully,

Mrs Smith
P.S. I hate you

Naturally, I will never send that note. Such unadulterated truth is not nice. We of Proper Society just seethe in a quiet, alcohol-fuelled rage instead.