Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Gentle Art of Letter Writing

With the advent of email, and the abomination that is texting, the Gentle Art of Letter Writing has died an ignominious death. Gone are the days when a personal epistle was thoughtfully crafted and worded. However, while the graceful era of thank-you notes has receded into history for most of the plebeian masses, my mother taught me that one should always lead by example.

Thus, if any of you uncouth swine are actually capable of grasping a writing implement between your cloven hooves, or indeed, have acquaintances capable of deciphering the written word, here is the kind of letter one could write;

Dear Bride,

The memory of your wedding is receding into the depths of memory. I never received a thank-you note from you, but assume you liked the sterling-silver frame I bought for you and your chinless spouse. I also must assume you appreciated the hours I spent combing the shops for something that you would like.

Thank-you so much for inviting me to your wedding. The designer gown you wore was trés amusement, with its remarkable similarity to a mound of chewed toilet-paper. Serves you right for buying Trelise Cooper.

Yours Faithfully,

Mrs Smith
P.S. I hate you

Naturally, I will never send that note. Such unadulterated truth is not nice. We of Proper Society just seethe in a quiet, alcohol-fuelled rage instead.


iwiwag said...

Interesting post..... What do you think about this ?

Mrs Smith said...

What do I think? I think if you really were a woman, you would die of syphilis within six months. And no-one would care.

Azoulai said...


Lisa said...

Why is it that people think it's ok NOT to send thank you notes these days? They've certainly become a thing of the past haven't they? Pisses me off that I've gone to the trouble to find something I think is suitable and then it doesn't even get acknowledged.

I'm thinking of just buying them all tea cosies from now on, stuff 'em.

oh and hey, what do you think of this? LOL (apologies, my immature self couldn't resist *sigh*)

Mary West. said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Must check out your previous posts.

Mrs Smith said...

Agreed, Lisa. I have been to two weddings in the last couple of years, both girls supposedly from very good families. Neither sent a thank-you note. Perhaps a book on etiquette for their anniversary present? Wrapped in a tea-cosy, of course.

Do check out my other posts, Mary. They are all wonderful.