Dumb

The furore over a lecturer’s email to a student – telling her she lacked the requisite skills for the degree she was studying - reminded me of a party I was at a few months ago.

A certain gentleman, Mr D, known for his investments in the local real estate market, had decided, as so many men of his age do, to dabble in foreign female property as well. He proved to be quite successful in his dealings with Russian Blondes and South American Brunettes, but his investment in a more exotic model proved less profitable.

I recognised her straight away; she has been on the cover of a fashion mag, and been seen lurking in the background of the 'About Town' social pages. Her body was astonishing – legs like stilts, and an arse that looked like Pamela Anderson was stuffed down the back of her trousers. However, despite her apparent genetic superiority, she was thick to the point where a surgeon might feasibly declare her brain-dead.

I attempted to strike up a conversation with her.
"I am at university," she said.
"Really? What are you studying?"
"A bachelor."
"A bachelor of what?"
"A bachelor."
"Yes. Quite. What is your major?"
She shrugged.

Mr D joined us.
"So, I hear X is studying at university."
He laughed. "I know. Sad, isn't it? It would seem that the Creator spent so much time making that incredible arse, he ran out of time to install a brain."

I must have looked startled – after all, she was standing right there.

"It's okay," he said, "say what you like. If you talk fast enough, she doesn’t understand a word you are saying. In fact," he continued, drawing long on his cigar in a thoughtful way, "you don’t even have to speak fast. Just use some words of more than two syllables."

Could this really be an indicator of what standards we have for international students here? If so, I think Dr Buchanan’s email was an exercise in sublime restraint. He should have been promoted, not fired.