Friday, August 03, 2007


Oh unhappy day! Knowing that BZP is to be become illegal, I kept meaning to stop by the chemist to stock up on my Slimfast. But alas – I procrastinated too long. No Slimfast is left! All sold out. Well, there is the new herbal variety, which the chemist insisted is just as good. I do not believe this for a moment.

As no doubt everyone has heard by now, hospitals are going to ask women the following questions to gauge if they have been the victims of domestic violence. Answering “yes” to at least one of these will be a potential indicator of abuse.
Has anybody hurt or threatened you?
Have you ever felt controlled or always criticised?
Have you been asked to do anything sexual that you didn’t want to do?

Guffaw! In my neck of the woods, answering "yes" to all of these questions, would indicate you’d had the usual sort of night out with the girls.

Wondering if Mrs Kirkpatrick needs a new pair of dentures? Either that, or her mouth has been glued shut. Smile, love. It might never happen.


llew said...

Cripes, she looks halfway decenty in some of those - how old is she?

Google brings up this and my site. So not much use there.

Rude question I know, but I'm rude like that.

Mrs Smith said...

Very rude! About 33. And yes, she's very decenty, although sometimes it appears she goes to some effort to sabotage her appearance.

MikeE said...

The ban only applys to non medicinal/therapuetic uses of BZP. Thankfully for the MP's who banned it both slimfast and viagra whos active ingredients are pirerzines so it won't be caught up in the ban.

One wonders if I could argue that staying up and getting monged was theraputic?

Mrs Smith said...

Really? The chemist said they weren't stocking any more because of the ban. Stupid foreigner.

llew said...

"One wonders if I could argue that staying up and getting monged was theraputic?"

I've always thought so. Although I've never sampled BZP.

Just everything else.

Mark said...

"Have you been asked to do anything sexual that you didn’t want to do?"

Well what in the hell is wrong with asking???


Oswald Bastable said...

"Have you been asked to do anything sexual that you didn’t want to do?"

Well- that all of us married types off for re-eductaion! The request to bonk ratio (about 5:1) is all wrong!

Anonymous said...

I could imagine the mouth stays shut for fear of what may have to go in it to keep the lifestyle she has become accustomed to..

Robyn said...

Every lady knows the most flattering way to pose. Sometimes you'll find yourself with someone waving a camera in front of your face demanding you to "SMILE!!!!!111", but if you're smart you'll keep your facial muscles relaxed.

Well, it worked for All Saints and the Sugababes.

Drewcifer said...

I'd have thought keeping her mouth shut was a good thing... after all, a closed mouth gathers no foot.

There again, when you consider that she looks like a cross between a mail-order russian bride, and a russian hooker that hasn't realised the cold war is over, you have to give her credit for getting as far as she has, as it's obviously not through looks OR fashion sense.

Mrs Smith said...

Now, now, Anonymous and Drewcifer, play nicely or Mrs Smith will make you both go sit on the naughty stool. I meant nothing unkind by my statement about Mrs Kirkpatrick's smile - only that one never sees her teeth. Overall, she tends to look slightly forlorn.