Monday, January 22, 2007

Thieving Scoundrel

I bought three pairs of Dior shoes last week – and this morning discovered a pair was missing. The cleaner, no doubt. I had no idea what she would do with them. Her feet are alarmingly large, like big blocks of Polynesian concrete. So I fired her.

Then I checked my receipt; whoopsie! I only bought two pairs. Oh well. I consider the dismissal a pre-emptive strike. Genuine thievery was an eventual certainty. They can't help it. It’s in their genes.

P.S. In case anyone mistakes me for being even more heartless than I actually am, may I point out that I fire my cleaner on a regular basis. She pretends not to speak any English, which gives her the perfect opportunity to ignore dismissals, or directives to dust the skirting boards.

I think she quite enjoys being shouted at.


Cactus Kate said...


You need to lower yourself to going to a gas station on Thursday and pick up the Dominion Post. I have a column about shoes that you may enjoy, unless of course they have edited the shit out of the Dior slagging or run out of space and replace me with more friggin recipes.

Mrs Smith said...

Oh no! You have slagged off Dior? Shame on you. The comfort of their heels is great. One can wear them all day without getting that burning sensation in the balls of one's feet, that lesser shoes provoke.

I will certainly buy the newspaper, and forgive you anyway, even though you are wrong.

Lisa said...

Eh? I'm supposed to be stealing things? Why didn't someone tell me that? Damn my parents for raising me wrong *sigh*

I could've had a nice collection of shoes or pot holders by now. OH MY GOD, the husbands I've let slip by!! lol

Mrs Smith said...

I admit, I might be wrong, Lisa. After all, she didn't steal any shoes. However, I am missing some socks and a cat-toy, so I shall reserve judgement until/if they show up.

MY said...

To be filed in a "Positive Feedback" folder:

Your style is impeccable - and I don't mean just the style per se, but also the level of consistency - not a single linguistic faux pas! - bravo!

Mrs Smith said...

Thank-you My, you are too kind. I am blushing in the prettiest way possible. However, I don't proof-read what I write, and when at school, I paid more attention to my English teacher's moustache than her lessons. Please forgive the linguistic faux pas. They are inevitable.