Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Why Shopping Is Like Sex

The Tedious Acquaintance wants to meet up "for lunch, and then look around the clothes shops." I shall have to make an excuse, as I can think of few things more tedious than two or more hours of wandering aimlessly, looking at everything, and trying to politely suppress one’s yawns. I can't understand why some women treat it as a hobby.

Then I realised. Shopping, for me, is exactly like sex. And here's why:


  • When time is of the essence, it can be done quicker alone,

  • I don’t want my friends with me when I do it,

  • I know what I like. I don’t need another’s opinion on the matter,

  • Men can’t understand why women take so long, when they can be finished in a matter of minutes,

  • The more money you have, the more you can get.


It’s not a perfect analogy. For example, I don’t particularly like shopping. And when shopping, one always aims for the smallest size one can get to fit.

Feel free to add your own contributions to the theory.

11 comments:

Amanda said...

Absolutely--totally the same as sex.

drewcifer said...

one is never enough?

Oswald Bastable said...

The only way it is like sex, is that it always costs me something...


But there is shopping and there is SHOPPING!

Groceries, clothes and so- about as much fun as a visit to the dentist- especially when children are involved.

A visit to the local gunshop, culminating in a purchase of a new, shiny pistol- now that's better than sex.

I only buy one or two new guns a year- modesty (probably false) forbids me from quoting sexual statistics!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mrs Smith .. it just isn't at all. There are no similarities at all...a moulding of souls, a spiritual entwining, a melding of flesh, are far more befitting. Shopping indeed.How could you be so misinformed? It is to be hoped that Mr Smith is neither an ego blinded Kings old boy nor of diminutive stature - or that alternatively he is illiterate. Your words could be sooo hurtful & you do so need to protect your idleness.
You really need to discuss your world view with the cactus lassie -she knows how to endear herself to others, to groom & nurture egos ('simply the best'), even be it they are those of old, old boys - & she is driven by something awfully primitive. Nothing to do with shopping though even though she would have us believe she shops around.
No, Mrs Smith ... straighten up ... moral highground.
Alternatively, you could indeed broaden your outlook with some tertiary study ... akin to shopping, indeed!

Mrs Smith said...

Oh dear. There isn't enough alcohol in the world to deaden the headache caused by reading this drivel, Anonymous. "A moulding of souls, a spiritual entwining, a melding of flesh." Sounds like really boring sex. I'd rather have a plain old fuck any day.

Anonymous said...

I expected more of you, Mrs Smith.Even though you portray yourself to the world with the 'right eye,' I saw it as something more, something deeper, more intuitive perhaps, it was always a 'third eye' to me. But, alas, no.
Sooo hurtful...to be confronted with the notion one's illusions are but delusions...sooo hurtful.

Oswald Bastable said...

"A moulding of souls, a spiritual entwining, a melding of flesh."

Well, it helps me to get off to sleep...

Cactus Kate said...

Smith

It's hard to control the fans isn't it?

Wait until you start with the emails requesting casual sex.

It's what blogging is all about.

Mrs Smith said...

Cactus

Are you really 'driven by something awfully primitive'? I assume dear Anonymous isn't referring to Hong Kong taxi-drivers. Do tell.

Drewcifer - you are quite right. One is never enough, but one at a time is quite sufficient.

Bastable - I like guns, too. Anything that frightens people is bound to be a source of endless pleasure.

mawm said...

Isn't it amazing how shopping while away seems to be soooo much more enjoyable!

Master said...

"And when shopping, one always aims for the smallest size one can get to fit."

Works for us guys.