Postcard

Hello all,

My goodness it is hot! Steaming hot! Shopping in the sweltering sunshine is hard work. Did I forget to mention I was not in New Zealand at the moment? Winter is horrid, and I had to escape. Never mind where I am, nosey parkers.

It is not good to be in a country where all the women are the size of Hummel figurines. Most clothes would not fit me unless I sawed off a few limbs, although this does not concern me too much, as I have no desire to dress like a slutty grannie (which appears to be the local trend, if one can imagine it). However, even shoes in my size have proved to be impossible to find, and it is dispiriting to go into a shop, head to the 'large size' section, then have to shamefully shuffle from the shop as nothing can contain my (apparently) gargantuan monster feet.

However, the food is truly excellent. I have had almost no booze or coffee, instead loads of simply, yet perfectly prepared vegetables, and plenty of water and iced fruit teas. This entire country is like a giant health spa! I am sure I shall return home completely detoxified and cleansed, with health radiating from every pore. I will need to drink twice as much to make up for lost time.

Yours, etc,

Mrs Smith