Monday, November 05, 2007


The writer for Viva magazine in the NZ Herald thinks 'Handmade Burgers' in Kingsland makes Auckland's best burger - and says;

"Burger Fuel may have gone public and have far better coverage with its many outlets, but Handmade Burgers in Kingsland wins where it counts - in the tummy."
Apart from finding it annoying that an adult would use the word 'tummy,' I disagreed heartily for these reasons:

  1. I went there once about five (?) years ago, and was subjected to the most hideously awful cack ever to profess to be a burger. Dreadful! I never went back.

  2. Many restaurant reviewers don't know their anus from their mouth. I have been to quite a few restaurants on the 'best of Auckland' type lists, to be thoroughly underwhelmed. The Maple Room in Remuera? You have got to be fucking kidding me.

  3. I have always thought Burger Fuel entirely marvellous.

  4. As a founding shareholder in Burger Fuel, I may be a tad biased.

So, I thought I would try it again, and decide for myself.

Handmade Burgers, 455 New North Rd, Kingsland.
First of all, the name is stupid. Handmade Burgers? As opposed to the ones made by robots elsewhere?

Burger: The similarity of their menu to Burger Fuel cannot be dismissed as coincidence. The quirky names, the fillings, the aioli chips – rather deja vu. It was okay; the most I can say is that it was bland. No shortage of bloody lettuce. Mr Smith said his was "a bit dry."

No shortage of bloody lettuce.

Price: $9.50 (comparable burger at BF $8.90)
Service: The tiny shop was overflowing with dolts such as myself who read the Herald, but despite the crowds, the server maintained an impressively friendly disposition. A thousand thumbs-up to the chap.
Overall: NZers are consistently suspicious of success – they like something until it gets too popular, then bash it down in favour of an unknown underdog - a most unfortunate predilection. I can't help but think this is where the Viva preference stems from… because Handmade just isn't anywhere good enough to hold the award for 'Auckland's Best Burger.' I'm giving it to Burger Fuel. As in many things, bigger is better.
(P.S. Handmade's food hygiene certificate expired in August).


Mark said...

That piece of crap isn't a burger!

THIS is a burger. Served up by the likes of THIS. Now that is my kind of burger joint. Oozing grease and sex, I don't know what could be better!

llew said...

They're obviously in financial trouble Mark, they can't even afford whole uniforms for the staff.

Mark said...

Well, then, best not to patronize the joint. Don't want those girls bundling up or anything. It IS Arizona, for god's sake!

Mrs Smith said...

Those burgers look like a challenge, Mark. But the servers... big deal. If I wanted a meal made by a buxom hottie I'd learn to cook.

Mark said...

"If I wanted a meal made by a buxom hottie I'd learn to cook."

Well I think some pics are in order.


And I'd like fries with that order, please!

Lita said...

I have been boycotting BFuel since avacado-gate in early 07, I really miss it, but I can't accept a $2.50 price hike for a wee bit of guac. Please speak to your people at BFuel for me.

Mark said...

Holy crap. How many NZ dollars to an American one?

ms cupcakes said...

Dearest Mrs. Smith
sounds like you've been pickled of late - all that bitterness and bile - of course it doesn't help that Mr. Smith has been otherwise occupied... bless. And I'm surprised to hear of your obversion to anything handmade..I remember you well as the girl who kept many a remuera businessman warm just by rubbing sticks - you were always so resourceful. Handmade..., so many memories, so many men, and all without mayonnaise. You were always the girl who put the
taste into tasteless.

Mrs Smith said...

That may be so, dear Ms, but my buns are still firm and fresh, while your cupcake is now stale and crumbly.

llew said...

"How many NZ dollars to an American one?"

Just under 47.

llew said...

"I remember you well as the girl who kept many a remuera businessman warm just by rubbing sticks - you were always so resourceful. "

Ohmigoodness! Have we met?

Not that I've ever set foot in Remuera.

Robyn said...

The only thing that Burger Fuel could improve is their buns. They tend to be a little on the dry side, but at least are are recognisably wheat-based, rather than the kitchen-sponge-based variety used by other fast food joints.

Burger Fuel have a lot to answer for. It seems have set the gold standard in gourmet burgers, and everyone else tries to copy them and usually fails.

The nearest burger place to my whare is Burger Wisconsin. I'm not sure what's going on with their menu, but all the burgers seem to taste the same, no matter what type you get.

Mark said...

"Just under 47."

HUH??? I'm sure there's a joke in that reply somewhere but I'm damned if I can find it...

llew said...

Yeah. It was lame.

Mark said...

Okay, glad it just wasn't my obtuseness...

Is that a word?


Cactus Kate said...


You don't seem like the sort to actually eat burgers. Next you will try to convince us that you eat fries.

I simply don't believe it.

Mrs Smith said...

As a BF shareholder, I can sincerely assure you that Burger Fuel burgers are the secret to my svelte figure. Everyone should eat at least three a day. The aioli chips also contain magic ingredients that increase lifespan, and improve eyesight*.

*Disclaimer: results are not guaranteed.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms Cupcake, how unsurprising to see that you are still single. We remember how you tried and tried to rub sticks well but alas couldn't light anyones fire.

llew said...

"Is that a word?"


Actually, my "47" crack was supposed to say something deep about inflation & the value of the dollar.

Oh well.