Traffic

As you know, I possess no degree of fondness for 'chain emails,' but received this in my in-box the other day, which I thought I would share. Apologies if everyone else simultaneously received in their in-boxes as well.

Rules for Going to Auckland

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Ork - Lund ", not "JAFATOWN."

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Auckland has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in Auckland. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down the motorway"

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at an orange light, you will be rear-ended, abused and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting Line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

6. K' Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Ork-Lunder.

7. Construction on motorways & other main streets in peak traffic is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

9. All old ladies with coloured hair in a crappy car have total right-of-way.

10. The minimum acceptable speed on Motorway is 120 kph. Anything less is considered downright dangerous.

11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

12. If you are in the fast lane, and only going 100 km in a 100 km zone, people are not waving when they go by.

13. The Auckland Harbour Bridge road is our daily version of Speedway. There are plans to rename it Western Springs Waikaraka Park Bridge.