Friday, March 09, 2007

A Dear Reader Asks

I have become an avid reader of your post, having been introduced via The Acid One, Cactus Kate.

Please, I need help on a matter of social etiquette. I was attending a winemaker degustation dinner this week; one I had organized but also had to attend as a guest. One of the female guests at my table had just been freshly Botoxed and lip-filled, in fact her lips reminded me of Jackie Stallone and they looked very, very painful.

I of course behaved as a good hostess should, and told as many funny stories as possible so I could watch the lack of facial movement when she attempted to laugh. I also suppressed the urge to inform her that her make-up was melting and the fresh red patches of eyebrow waxing were showing, as was a needle mark on her lip, though I did comment favourably on the glitter gel in her hair.

My dilemma is, is it socially acceptable to discuss and exchange info on appearance medicine practitioners at a social event?

Ms G,
Functions Manager

Dear Ms G,
How nice of you to write, it is a pleasant surprise to receive such an entertaining email, and I am sure my household appreciates the distraction this has provided.

Is it socially acceptable to discuss and exchange info on appearance medicine practitioners at a social event? Essentially, my response would have to be an emphatic no. As everyone pretends they have had no work done whatsoever (however improbable their cup or lip size), I can't imagine anyone admitting to who their surgeon is. This is unfortunate, as in the case of Ms Glitter-Gel, it would be good to know who to avoid.

It sounds like you did indeed, behave exactly as a good hostess should. After all, if one cannot mercilessly mock one's guests, there wouldn't be any fun in hosting such things.

Mrs Smith

P.S. I am fairly certain Mr Smith and I stayed at your hotel once, some years ago, when he was doing business in Wellington. You need to tell the kitchen staff that cornflakes do not qualify as 'innovative cuisine.'


Anonymous said...

Mrs Smith ... is she not simply taking the 'mickey?' A functions manager, degustation, etiquette, and 'full fruitful sensitive lips?'
Botox can be such an ally against the ravages of time, as you are so aware, and mis-timing outings in terms of 'looking one's best' cannot always be aavoided - disrespectful little imp ...'corny' and 'flaky' indeed.

d-man said...

What if the cornflakes serve as the coating for a chicken drumstick?

Ms Klake said...

I disagree. If I had botox (which is on my wishlist) I'd be running around squealing 'look, no wrinkles!'. Mind you, I do not understand the concept of civilized society and would discuss my bowel movements after a drink or three.

Cactus Kate said...


I can vouch for the identity of the author, having met her once and now am entertained frequently with her witty prose via email.

She's a very bad girl as well.

You should request her phone number.

Mrs Smith said...

Anonymous - your quotations 'full fruitful sensitive lips?','corny' and 'flaky' are not actually mentioned anywhere in the letter. So forgive me for thinking you an idiot, but this evidence prevents me from thinking anything else of you.

Additionally, I am entirely unaware of any ravages of time. My immaculate geneology has bestowed me with an appearance that defies my lifestyle.

MsG said...

Anon, If I was taking the mickey I would have also included comment on another guest at table who constantly referred to "having her breasts lopped off"...... Mrs Smith got it right, I just want to find out who to avoid.

Re cornflakes, yes they are so last century....we have a new product now where they've squished them altogether into little brick does have a name but as breakfast is not my forte it escapes me....

Insolent Prick said...

Is Ms G hot?

MsG said...

yes I'm very hot.....and I also travel under the name of un-PC Lesbian as well......

llew said...

"and I also travel under the name of un-PC Lesbian "

That must get you some funny looks.

Anonymous said...

Gee Ms & un-PC Lesbian aussi, & you're not taking the 'mickey?'

MsG said...

Well I guess I could call myself Mr as androgyney is my passion, though not my practice. For some strange reason society seems to want these odd titles, and as I don't wish to be identified by my somewhat indeterminate marital status Ms will have to suffice for now. Personally as a title I prefer Head Bitch.

Mrs Smith said...

Smart women are always hot.