Friday, March 09, 2007

Dreadful Mood

I have been in a dreadful mood this week.

I have been shouting extremely rude words at my cat, and in his terror to get away from me, has decided to spend most of his time outside. Mr Smith, likewise, is wisely spending more time working in his office, rather than from home.

I usually couch my criticisms in sly ways - it's an obtuse language women are so gifted at; to get a point across in the nicest yet most devastating way. But not this week.

"My God, Mrs So-and-so is so fucking common," I said, almost spitting with venom.
My companion looked shocked.
"She just had to drop into conversation that she was 'going to the polo in the helicopter,'" I said, mimicking Mrs So-and-so's high-pitched whine, "and when no-one responded by wetting their pants with envy, she repeated it about four more times."
"Oh, well. I suppose she was just making conversation," the companion said, no doubt wishing she was anywhere else but with me.
"Oh puh-lease. If she had taken a lesser mode of transport, would she have said, 'I'm going to the polo in the Honda Civic'? Anyway, 'the' helicopter implies it's theirs, and it's not. They share it with three other couples. Big. Fucking. Deal."

Further conversation was killed, but I didn't care. I felt great.

6 comments:

george said...

Mrs Smiff, every male, dog, cat and other creature of instinct knows to bail out when you girls get like this.

As a public service announcement I would like to say to your gender that you really piss me off sometimes.

Anonymous said...

- I want two trailers!
- but Mrs Smith no one has two trailers in television...
- Two trailers, and a pet cheatah, or I walk.

Mrs Smith said...

George - it is a rare event with me; it only happens a couple of times a year, so I think it a small price to pay for majestic grace of my companionship. Anyone who thinks otherwise can go fuck themselves.

Anonymous - I do not understand. Please take your medication, and explain when you are feeling better.

Rick said...

I don't feel like my income bracket qualifies me to read this blog.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mrs Smith. Time can be so unfair ... moderation, I believe, can be achieved with HRT. I'm not sure it helps with the envy though.

Mrs Smith said...

Anonymous - moderation guarantees a dull life, so I avoid it whenever possible. And if my temper requires HRT, then I have been going through menopause since I was three.